I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
