worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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