Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
