im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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