The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
