Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
