You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
