Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
