All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
