And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
