i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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