I didn't shave. On purpose
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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