She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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