Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
