Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
