Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I will pee on everything he values.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
