so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
