This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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