he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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