I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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