Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
