I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
