I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
