got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
did i walk over a car last night?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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