yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
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You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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