Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
