I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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