I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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