Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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