wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
