I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
