Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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