Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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