i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
