If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
