I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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