My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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