I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
