Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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