I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
