I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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