If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
