I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
