just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
