Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
