hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
