My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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