Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
