she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
