he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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