Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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