The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
